Cold Affront

Jason from South Florida sends us this terrible sweater that initially made us hungry for a sandwich. He claims that the sweater has green and yellow stripes, but judging by the creepy tendrils, our bets are on another explanation.

But wait -- what's with the rare sweater-shorts combo? Jason explains that it's always hot in Florida, but "when the AC is cranked, you need something more." No, Jason. You need something less.

And where are you working, anyway? A call-in show for shark-bite victims? Shark books to your right, microphone to your left and bad taste all around.